Good Morning Vietnam!

 

It’s been a long time since I've written for my blog, and now it seems that I have all the time in the world to recall my journey in life for the past 8 months. I've struggled to be consistent in writing and keeping my creative juices flowing due to the following reasons - writer’s block, losing the confidence to write in English language or just being caught up in the moment of travel, as you can see in the huge time gaps between my posts. But let me announce that this is my very first post for this year, hooray!

I bought a new ukulele in Malaysia before I flew to Vietnam, signifying the beginning of a new journey. I was four months in Vietnam with varying and colorful experiences. I never knew the reason I have to fly to Vietnam and continue my journey, all I knew that time was that something was waiting for me there.

At 30, I still had no idea what to do in life. I went on this journey in hopes of figuring out what I want to do. I just go with the flow and let things unfold right before my eyes.

Hitchhiking and sleeping everywhere, I was back on the road again. And I realized that this was the end of my tramping, at least in this journey. Everything happens for a reason, and I  always have no idea at the beginning. And afterwards, I found myself knowing why things happened.

My first day in Vietnam was not so exciting. I was confused and helpless, with no direction at all. I found myself staying one more night in Vung tau beach, the closest beach to Ho Chi Minh City. I was supposed to stay in Ho Chi Minh City for a night, but my Vietnamese host cancelled right there and then. So I went straight to the beach, because this is the only place here where I can camp to save on accommodation costs. It was my third month on the road, traveled from Indonesia, Malaysia to Vietnam, a long slow travel and a long way to go.

I was not able to find a host and I found myself having to spend another night on the beach. I decided to delay my hitchhiking to Mui ne as it was really late in the afternoon, and it looks like Vietnam is not a perfect place for hitchhiking. People are not so friendly and communication is a big problem as most people cannot speak and understand English.

Crashing resort pools like I used to do in Bali, I did it once again in Vietnam. I felt like I was the only traveler in this small town, until I saw this man eating at the resort’s restaurant, a tourist I thought. And probably the only one in this town. At least someone was traveling in this part of Vietnam which is only popular among locals. I dropped my stuff in this resort and I went for a swim.

The salty air and the unlit beach stretch caught me. I was sitting in front of a one beach club I discovered, a perfect place for camping where I wouldn't be bothered. Feeling satisfied for whatever reason, happily listening to the crashing of the waves, I caught a glimpse of the same man from the resort next to this beach club. This made me curious more and more, what could he be doing here? I heard a faint conversation, I shrugged and let go of this curiosity until I saw him looking in my direction. I waited.

I turned around and he sat beside me. And of all places, he is from Russia. After all my experiences and stories about the Russian people, they are the last ones on earth I want to deal with. But being alone in this strange and unfriendly place, a friendly conversation would help. I was not looking for anything more, no friendship or whatever. Just a nice little human interaction before I hitchhike to Mui ne the next day.

I was completely untrusting, not believing that a man could really help without wanting anything in return. But all the strange circumstances eventually lead me to this man, no matter how hard I controlled my feelings, avoiding any more drama after that one in Bali.

Exchange of stories illuminated everything, as to why I was spending a night on the beach and why this Russian man was astonishingly staying in Vietnam for the past 7 months. I sang him this popular song with my ukulele just as what I've been doing to the strangers I met, to keep both sides entertained, to give something back in exchange for a warm conversation.  It just was one night of knowing each other’s life, a one long conversation of broken English. He would become again one of those people I've met on the road, whom I had a nice conversation with and a friendship for only a certain period. And then I thought, I would eventually move on, and we were all just passing through.

My mosquito man, a superhero we made up after being eaten alive by mosquitoes, the rooftop of a small seemingly abandoned building nearby became our safe refuge, from rats, mosquitoes and Vietnamese men. That was also after discovering that my tent was broken (series of unfortunate events) I was tired and sleepless, and the rooftop floor with some small cushions we brought from the beach club became a luxury for me. I slept soundly for a few hours aware of being watched. The dawn is breaking. . . I witnessed the sun rising from the sea symbolizing a new beginning.

Good morning Vietnam, day 2!

Mui ne was delayed days and days after, due to strangely unforeseen circumstances such as, my broken tent, the death of my underwater camera and an attempt to resurrect it by having a small trip with Mosquito man to Saigon. Several days after I was still unattached, emotionally and physically as I was fighting hard not to get into some kind of relationship, but days went on and reasons unfolded. This was not another relationship. This was one thing that found me. I let go and I gave myself a chance.

My travel route was changed for good, it lead me to a new destination called LOVE, my mosquito man, my now love, whom I met at the strangest moment of my life.

Read more

To Have Loved and Lost - Goodbye Ukulele

I realized that I have this strong attachment to my ukulele. Attached to the music and joy it brings, that no one else could ever give. Though I’m not really that good yet, playing it just makes me feel better. Just being able to play songs that I like, hearing it, feeling it, being there in the moment. I become totally present. When I play music, I suddenly forget that there are annoying people in this world. I just become totally oblivious to the outside things. Finally, I thought, I found something that really makes me happy. No human intervention needed.  

When I was once in front of KFC near our flat, I asked some middle-aged men if I could play a song for them. I played “I’m yours”. I was not really expecting they’d give me money in return. I felt happy, I admit. I was just really kind of experimenting if I could really entertain someone with my ukulele. So here comes my future career. 

My friend was driving the scooter down the mountains as we went back home from Batur Volcano in Bali. When suddenly I realized that my ukulele was missing. We couldn't go back anymore. There was a slim chance of finding it as I was not even sure where I left it. It was dark and cold, a long drive back home. I couldn't grasp reality. I was really sad.

Few weeks later, I was in Kuala Lumpur, and it was not easy. From beach life to city, I had a relapse. The reality of the moment would not sink in. I left my heart in Bali. I had become attached to my life in the beach, and being in the city was a total shock for me. I had been here four years ago, and I never really like going back to the same place. But thanks to this cheap flight from Bali, it left me with no choice but to be back here. I was confused as to what to do, no plans or anything.

And worst, no ukulele. My only comfort and refuge, I felt alone.The moment of acceptance came, and I just hope that whoever’s that lucky person who might have gotten my little piece of joy would love it as much as I had loved it. Finally I’m letting it go.

Goodbye my ukulele.

Read more

The Bali High - Psychedelic Mushroom

Someone told me about this magic mushroom in Bali that I should try, the so-called “Trip to the moon”. I tried marijuana before when I was young and they say this one is different. Magic mushroom is legal in Bali, and of course I am very much into experiencing a new state of highness. I saw in Kuta beach that the Balinese guys were mixing it with some shake or soda. So my friend I’m traveling with in Bali bought some shrooms, and then we went home. For the first time, I tried it raw, well I actually had it as rice topping. It was really tasteless and boring. And then I thought that there was really no effect. So I did my usual stuff, finished my dinner, took a bath and drank a little bit of Bintang beer. . .

After 1 hour . . .

I felt the sands everywhere on our bed. So I tried cleaning the sheets, convinced that the bed was really full of sands. I didn't know why simple tasks were kind of hard to do that time. I usually want to organize our stuff in our flat, but I just couldn't do anything. I couldn't sleep on a bed full of sands! I exclaimed. It shouldn't be like that because I was not in the beach. And to my disbelief, the sands wouldn't go away.  I just couldn't stop laughing. Then suddenly it hit me. I had to put some effort to stand up straight, and it felt like I’m going to fall down on my knees. Suddenly everything was just funny for no reason at all.

I’d forgotten about the sands-on-the-bed problem, so I went outside. To my amazement, the trees were so green. I felt my eyes became wide that everything was so sharp. And then I remember saying that things were all in 3D, especially that special tree in front of me. Although, I know that things are really in 3D, or 4D? I don’t know if this psychedelic experience made me smart or just made me more stupid.

Oh yeah, I went from laughing hysterically to crying non-stop until late, brought about by some not so good human experience. I saw myself switching from my normal-abnormal life to bipolar mode. The sudden shift of mood was overwhelming, and I had totally forgotten about the good trippy experience afterwards. And the Bali drama started.

I was a bit cautious about taking too much and that’s why probably I didn't get to the point of extreme psychedelic experience. I got the mild one I guess, accompanied with mood swings and heightened senses. When the colors became so sharp, then for me it was a good experience enough.

You can actually buy the mushrooms everywhere in Kuta, which would cost you around 50000 rupiah for one small pack. But if you look like a local, you could get it for less than that. We are cheapskates, so we found a way to have some for free.  We actually looked for it in some farms and picked it up ourselves, as you could easily find these shrooms growing on cow shit, no kidding! We were the secret mushroom gatherers. So yeah, as we traveled around Bali, we found ourselves looking for some cows and their shit everywhere.

The second time I tried magic mushrooms was when I was in Kuta beach one night. My friend and I were walking along the shore, then we got invited a couple of times by some Balinese guys and some travelers singing and drinking together. However that time, I tried to avoid people as I was under the influence of mushroom, and I was just paranoid that they would notice. I was being funny actually. And then at the same time, I was also afraid that I might do something stupid around these people. So we left the group and walked away.

It was full moon. We just lay down on the sand and watched the clouds moved across the night sky. Everything around me was so amazing. I've never felt so happy, everything was so real. We walked on the soft sand in the dark while the waves crashed against the shore relentlessly. The shore under the full moon was just astonishing to watch as the water swept back and forth, and we could feel the pull of the tide as we tried to escape. That moment was truly unforgettable. It was so beautiful and romantic . . . with or without my psychedelic mushroom . . . .

Read more

A Piece of Heaven

One of the reasons why I went to Bandung was to visit “Kawah Puti” or the Sulfur Lake. A stunning crate lake located 50 km south of Bandung in West Java Indonesia. This is one of the craters of this inactive volcano called Mount Patuha. I learned about this place from my host in Bukitinngi in Sumatra. When I was staying with her, I really had no idea as to what to see in Java. Then she recommended me this lake and showed me some pictures of it. I was amazed. The place looks really interesting for me as I haven’t seen anything like it before. I hitchhiked from Jakarta to Bandung then I was hosted by these nice, young guys in this cool and laid back town called Jatinanggor. I was truly having a good time with my host and his friends from the university. I stayed here for 5 days. Then later on, I felt that I have to visit this "Kawah Puti" on my own because sometimes I just have to be alone to reflect on things. My host was really understanding, and so he took me to the bus station for Bandung early in the morning the next day.

The heavy traffic in Bandung made me itch to hitchhike again. However the small van moved past the traffic finally, and then I arrived quite a bit late in the afternoon. I insisted to take a walk for a few minutes and luckily the people there let me in. And there was no entrance fee, well, not that I know of. I've never felt so free and peaceful. Though I haven’t reached the lake yet, the first kilometer has already a beautiful sight to behold. The surrounding area was heavily forested, it was foggy and I could smell the sulfur along the way. A few vehicles passed by, but most of the time I had the whole road for myself. It was one those unforgettable walks, just me and nature. What more could I ask for.

It was really getting cold. It was four more kilometers to the top, so eventually I had to hitchhike to the crater. Just when I thought that I’m going to walk all the way, a public van with only one person inside stopped in front of me finally. And I asked the driver:

Me: “Boleh saya numpang?”

Driver: “Boleh”

Me: “Boleh saya numpang?”

Driver: “Boleh”

….

I was waiting for a yes, ya or no, and then l realized later what “Boleh” means. So he was like saying, “Yes you can!” I felt really stupid. It was that very funny moment, and the Indonesians I met just laughed their hearts out when they heard this story.

When I arrived, I didn't see any foreigners or white people around here, probably because they were all flocking in Bali. So almost all the signs are written in Bahasa, and as much as I want to get to know more about the place that time, I couldn't understand all the information posted at the entrance. It was pretty understandable as I saw that most of the visitors are just locals.

I was blown away. Nature could really be this amazing. What my host in Bukitinggi told me was true. It was really like heaven on earth, one could go snorkeling in search for angels underneath. The lake was whitish green with the yellow sulfur mud around it. It was misty and cold, a magical place indeed. It was really chilly and I could barely stay in one place. So I walked around and saw a couple having their prenup photoshoot somewhere away from the crowd, and I wouldn't be surprised. I think that this is a unique place to have a mystical theme for a wedding, and how romantic is that!

I really cherished my time here, it was just perfect solitude. It was my “now” back then. That time I was really present. But it became my past now, and I’m remembering it for my own pleasure. You know those times when you are happy even though you are alone. And it would be even better if you are in a beautiful place, and that will be 100% pure happiness. I could imagine many things in this place, or even create my own dreams and alter reality. I could see myself wasting my time here, even if I choked to death by sulfur. I wouldn't mind. Then I’d become the angel underneath, and I’ll say “this is my own piece of heaven”.

Read more

The Lemon Tree Day

I’m inside my room and I look outside, the sky is gloomy. I feel so low and I couldn't go out or do anything. I’m just not in the mood. A few hours ago I was just playing this Lemon Tree song with my ukulele. Then suddenly it hit me . . .

I'm sitting down here in the boring room

It's just another rainy Sunday afternoon

I'm wasting my time

I got nothing to do

I'm hanging around I'm waiting for you

But nothing ever happens

And I wonder . . .

I am watching myself right now. One teardrop, two, three . . . I couldn't stop. I've never felt so low before. This is the first time this has ever happened since I left.

I wonder how

I wonder why

Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue, blue sky

And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon tree

I'm turning my head up and down

I'm turning, turning, turning, turning, and turning around

And all that I can see is just another lemon tree

I was thinking about the places I couldn't visit. All the things that went wrong couldn't escape my mind, was it just because I didn't work hard enough. I couldn't understand why I couldn't stop comparing myself to others.

Yesterday someone told me about the blue, blue sky, and all I can I see is just a yellow lemon tree . . . Desperation. Everything went inside my head all at the same time, what I should do, where to go from here, why I couldn't do it. I’m sinking . . . .

I'm sitting here

I miss the power

I'd like to go out

Taking a shower

But there's a heavy cloud inside my head

I feel so tired, put myself into bed

But nothing ever happens

And I wonder

Worry, loneliness, depression and suffering. I’m all over the place. Where did all these come from? DESIRES. I am tired of wanting. I don’t want to want anything. I watch myself. I know this is not me. This is the pain-body attacking me. I am not tied to any of these feelings. There is no such thing as pursuit of happiness. It’s already right here, right now, in me. I just couldn't see it but I know I will. I just need to hit the bottom so hard that in the end I wouldn't be able to feel anything anymore.

I don’t know if I should still use the past and future tense here. It does not seem right to follow these grammatical rules anymore. There is no time. This could be my last day. I’ll play the Lemon Tree with my ukulele until I’m good at it.

Isolation is not good for me

Isolation

I don't want to sit on a lemon tree

I'm stepping around in the desert of joy

Maybe anyhow I'll get another toy

And everything will happen

And you'll wonder

I have to let it all go and keep the past dead. There’s no tomorrow anymore, the future is a mystery. I wouldn't wait for someone to move the mountains for me. There are no other places to go to in this world, there is only here. There is no other time, there is only now. There is no one else but me.

Read more

Lost and Found

As Albert Einstein said, we have to decide whether we live in a friendly or hostile universe. I choose the friendly universe. When I decided to travel, I trust that the universe is kind and that it will provide. A few years back, I couldn’t go anywhere on my own because I just couldn't trust anyone. I guess I was just one of those people trapped in fear. Then suddenly I woke up from this long dream. I feel different. I still don’t know what exactly happened, but it felt like yesterday I was still in this small box.  Then all of a sudden a small portal just opened in front of me. Oh this could be the bright side. I knew that there must be something better on the other side. The unknown is quite scary, but it always makes me curious. And so I went in.

I remember when I was hitchhiking in Sumatra, I got dropped somewhere in Pekanbaru city coming from Dumai. It was quite late in the afternoon and I was confused as to what to do. I didn't know if I am going to stay in the city or just head on straight to this small town called Bukitinggi. So I tried hitchhiking again, but it was kind of difficult to wait for a ride in this big city.  Just when I was about to leave, a car stopped in front of me. A young local guy asked me where I was going, and I was lucky that he was heading to the same direction. This was how I met Billie.

I was in his car for another 6 hours, but then I never felt bored or tired with him. I've seen the most beautiful scenery in west Sumatra along the way. We exchanged stories and found ourselves laughing about stuff. He was really a funny guy, and very determined to practice his English. He was so nice enough to drop me right in front of my host’s house late that night. We said goodbye to each other then he continued his journey to this island in Padang.

Next morning I realized that my wallet was missing, so I panicked. All my bank cards were there. I searched my host’s place and I couldn't find it. Until I realized that I might have left it in Billie’s car. I called him and there was no answer. I really didn't have any money or anything with me. I was thinking that Billie might be spending some time in the island with his friend, and I’m worried that my wallet might not be in his car too. I was trying to think where I might have left it, then I thought of this small restaurant where we ate somewhere in the town the other night. But I was hoping that I didn't leave it there as there was a slim chance of getting it back.  I couldn't travel anywhere as I was just really frustrated about my negligence.

I called Billie again that afternoon and he answered. To my relief, he told me that I left my wallet in his car. And he was willing to drop it in my host’s place on his way back home. And he did it. I met him again the next day and he returned my wallet. I was really happy and grateful that there’s still someone like Billie in this world. I couldn't imagine all the hassles of getting new bank cards due to my carelessness. It was the nicest thing a person had ever done to me. I will always be thankful for that.

I always trust in the kindness of the universe. I know that it’s a bit challenging to be positive at all times considering that there are worse things happening around us, and it makes us lose faith in humanity. As I move around and travel more, I learned that things will always work out just fine in the end. I met people along the way, and It's proven that it’s still part of human nature to help one another. Everywhere I went, I experienced the true kindness of people. I remembered that a few months ago, I was so worried about the things that will happen today. But then everything turned out ok eventually however difficult things could be from the start. In this lifetime I think I had already overcome the worst situations and passed through various obstacles. By now I had gotten used to this. My immunity level is so high I couldn't feel anything anymore. I will always believe in what Anthony de Mello said, “Though everything is a mess, all is well”. So there is no sense in worrying about the future or what’s going to happen. It comes soon enough. And if things didn't turn out as expected, then we just have to learn from the experience and move on.

Read more