I learned that if you attempt to achieve things for the wrong reason, chances are you won’t get it. But then I also doubt if there is really such thing, who could define right or wrong anyway? Sometimes you’ll gonna have to just figure that out yourself. All I know for sure is that there are reasons why things happened, and we’ll just gonna have to let go of control. Do we really need to acquire things to be happy? But isn't that what the society made us to believe? That you should follow the same old pattern, have a good education, a successful career, a nice and loving wife/husband then later on sit back and retire. The society also taught us to go dream big and try work hard for it, whatever it is. And what if you don’t get it? So they say, you didn't work hard enough, or it’s just not for you. So if it’s not for you, then deal with it. And here comes the hard part, acceptance. Analyzing the reasons, thinking of what went wrong, what could have been done and why it didn't turn out as expected.
Isn't tiring to always go against the stream? Can’t we just let things go with the flow and let the river take us wherever. However you’ll never know if you’re gonna be swept over a waterfall or be drifted away to oblivion by the raging rapids. Or you might also end up somewhere else, a place of bounty where good things await. It sounds scary right, uncertainties. But the ride is gonna be a one hell of an adventure, that’s for sure.
I was expecting to head to a specific destination, a place of bounty I should call it. And then suddenly I had to make a sharp turn somewhere else. This time I say big FUCK to bureaucracy. I was full of bitterness that time. And so here comes the reality, the world is big but I am not free to go anywhere. I look at the bright side, I am still free to go somewhere else.
So I quit my job the second time around, heading to a different direction – unlimited uncertainties. I know that traveling is something that I really love to do despite my limited resources. I took inspiration from people who traveled with less, or those who have traveled with none. Learning from them I realized that anything is possible. Though I just couldn't go anywhere, at some point I felt insecure. I realized that almost all the famous people I know in Couchsurfing traveling around the world with less money, hitchhiking, juggling for food were all coming from the same countries. They were tagged as “amazing”! It is inspiring alright, but I have yet to meet someone from a poor country who is also doing such amazing things, probably someone who could boost my confidence. But if you are someone from a third-world country traveling from one continent to another, you’ll be tagged as “illegal”. Are the people from the developed world tired of their comfort, wasteful lifestyle, money and social benefits that they come to seek something else in life through traveling? Are the people from the developing countries tired of poverty and injustice that they come to seek what those people in developed world have?
I’m not a great fan our civilization. Why everyone has to be so territorial? Who invented these false divides? Why there are divisions on the map, why there’s a term called “foreigner. Why people of different colors can’t just let go of their pride and just love one another?
As I traveled, I met people on the road that made me change the way I see things. I met people in Sumatra who are satisfied with their simple life, and the girls who don’t have much choices in life, trapped in their culture and religion wishing they could also do what I’m doing. I don’t know if it’s a right thing to say that I'm still lucky, or perhaps I could just simply tell myself to stop complaining and just be thankful with what I have right now. And that I should stop comparing myself to other people, what I don’t have and what they have, what they could do and what I couldn't.
So I guess I’m taking the right turn in my life, and then let’s see where the river flows. Will I be swept over the waterfall or will I end up somewhere where good things await. Well it does not matter anymore. I’m just after the adrenaline rush.
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